Depression really weeds out your friends and halfway through your depressive episode, you will realize that only the people who really care are left from the group of people you thought were friends.
And from that small handful of individuals, only one or two, if you’re truly lucky, will care enough to endure your constant negativity and your lack of an ability to talk about anything other than your depressive episode. Others will conveniently forget to check in because hey, let’s face it… Who wants to be around “negative Nancy” all the time, right?
For me, I’m lucky enough to have a husband who has promised me (today, in fact) that he will never tire of me no matter how negative. While I appreciate that greatly, I also feel bad because it means that he will have to constantly put up with me. In this case, I desperately wish I had a friend to turn to. Someone with as unconditional love as my husband does but also someone who doesn’t always have to be around me all the time. That way, it’ll give my husband a break and I’ll still keep my sanity. After all, I only get to see my therapist once a week.
Anyway, I used to have a best friend that I was almost joined at the hip to. Someone who just understood me and shared context with me, so much so that I didn’t even have to finish my sentence and she’d already know what I meant. She still is my best friend but we’re now separated by timezones and lots and lots of miles between us…. It has been nearly 4 years since we last saw each other and though we still email each other, and though she is still very supportive, I also can’t help but wish we were able to talk face-to-face.
I truly miss my bestie. Now more than ever when I feel so needful and perhaps even a little needy.