This is the 4th time in a week that I’ve woken up really late. And this is the 3rd time this week that I forgot to take my medication.
I guess I’m not doing so well this week.
I’m trying not to beat myself up over it but it’s hard to when I’ve wasted 4 mornings sleeping in. I can’t say that I’m more depressed than last week but I certainly do feel more physically affected by it this week.
I hate going into therapy every week (since September) and answering the question “How was your week last week?” with a “Bad…”. I feel like a broken record. I feel like my therapist must be getting frustrated with me by now. Who wouldn’t? It’s been almost 8 weeks since I keep saying that I feel bad.
I know that recovery takes time. I know that everyone faces it differently and therefore takes different times to recover. But I can’t help but feel like maybe I’m just not trying hard enough.
Maybe I’m not consciously focusing on positive things so that I can get my mind off negative things.
I don’t know why I feel such an overwhelming sense of guilt this week. Like I’m just not doing enough or that I’m just not good enough for anything or anyone. I feel bad even writing this because I feel like people don’t come to my blog to read “doom and gloom” things. Who needs that in their lives weighing them down, right?
For those of you who have been reading and commenting though. Thank you so much. You don’t know just much you do for me just by being there. It at least makes me feel less crazy because I feel like at least someone is listening and I’m not just talking to myself all the time.