Wow. What is this feeling I’m experiencing?
I’m tapping my feet to music… I enjoyed the sensation of food under my fingers as I prepared it to cook…. I am listening to every beat and word of the songs I’m listening to….
Is this what being calm and stable feels like on a daily basis? Is this what a normal person feels every day? Like nothing is an effort? Like there is never a need to silence the thoughts in their minds?
Is this what I could potentially be feeling every day after life stabilizes even more for me?
Is this what it’s like to come out for breath from being held under the water all these weeks? Am I finally picking myself up from the depressive episode I’ve been having since September?
Or is this just an after effect of having a good therapy session and I should expect to feel the way I’ve been feeling again tomorrow?
Well, perhaps it could just be the euphoric feeling I often get after a good session and after being positively affirmed. Perhaps I will feel terrible again tomorrow.
Despite that, I am going to enjoy this good feeling while I can. Even if it goes away tomorrow, at least I know what being calm and stable feels like. At least I know what to hope for.