To Believe In Myself

So I must be in a stable mood this week because for some reason, I actually had a very positive day today despite the minor crisis that I was facing over my future career choice…

I even got to the point where I had believed in myself for a change! WOW!

That doesn’t happen very often especially when my anxiety is in full swing. Just a little while ago, I thought to myself that if there was ever a way for me to send a message back in time and that I only had one thing to tell my younger self, I would tell her to never ever listen to people’s discouraging words or negative comments about herself because if she had believed in herself a little more, she might actually have finished a STEM degree. It’s not that I’m not proud of myself for graduating as a Linguistics major with Honors, but my initial dream when I was a child was to be a doctor.

I gave up on that back in high school because I couldn’t understand anything I learned in math, physics or chemistry. The only subjects I was good at were English and Biology. The thing is though, now that I’m back in college a second time, I realize that school really isn’t all that hard for me because of how hard I work. The problem was that I had allowed people to talk me down and keep me down.

Earlier, I had asked my husband what he thought I should do where my career was concerned and he seemed to think that I am very capable and despite being warned by a couple of different people that Computer Science is a very difficult major, that I should try it out. He believed in me and told me that he has always believed in me. He wishes that I would see it myself.

I wish I could see it for myself too. I truly do. Today though, I had a little sneak peek into that as I realized that I can achieve the things that I put my mind to. After all, look at my math grades. I went to being a failure to an A+ student.

So I’m going to try and learn to code and see whether I enjoy it or not. If I do, I might actually do the switch. And with what I’ve already learned in Interior Design Technology so far, I can actually make it my minor. Win-win, right? We’ll see…

But anyway, this post is really just to share that little moment that I had just a little while ago where I had, for once, believed in myself long enough to make the decision to at least try out programming.

Like I said, I must be feeling a lot more stable this week. Maybe the depressive episode is lifting.

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