Feeling Lost

I feel lost.

Not physically because I’m sitting at home right now, trying to write in my journal but am being successfully distracted by everything else that’s unimportant.

I feel lost because I feel like I need to just be an adult and deal, right?

Is that what I should be doing? Just grow up and stop whining?

I don’t know.

The overwhelming urge to cut is back. I’m surrounded by art supplies – some of which can be used to cut. I don’t want to. I need to prove to myself and everyone else that I’m stronger than my desires and urges. That I’m better than this.

I’ve experienced what it was like to feel stable and better last week. Anxiety took me for its version of a joy ride and now Depression wants to take control again.

8 hellish weeks should be enough but it’s threatening to be 9 weeks now…

I just came back from therapy but I couldn’t articulate myself this week and so I’m left feeling still frustrated. I don’t know what to do. I emailed my therapist but now I wish I hadn’t because now it makes me seem so damn needy.

What can he do anyway?

Things are supposed to be looking up. It’s supposed to be getting better. Why isn’t it? Why do I feel stuck?

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Feeling Lost

  1. Breathe in… Breathe out… Just take it as it comes JL, not everything needs to make sense straight away… And please don’t feel bad for emailing your Therapist…
    I can only imagine what you’re going through, though something tells me you will feel better soon… Just take this very moment in and try to sty calm in it…

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s