Feeling Lost

I feel lost.

Not physically because I’m sitting at home right now, trying to write in my journal but am being successfully distracted by everything else that’s unimportant.

I feel lost because I feel like I need to just be an adult and deal, right?

Is that what I should be doing? Just grow up and stop whining?

I don’t know.

The overwhelming urge to cut is back. I’m surrounded by art supplies – some of which can be used to cut. I don’t want to. I need to prove to myself and everyone else that I’m stronger than my desires and urges. That I’m better than this.

I’ve experienced what it was like to feel stable and better last week. Anxiety took me for its version of a joy ride and now Depression wants to take control again.

8 hellish weeks should be enough but it’s threatening to be 9 weeks now…

I just came back from therapy but I couldn’t articulate myself this week and so I’m left feeling still frustrated. I don’t know what to do. I emailed my therapist but now I wish I hadn’t because now it makes me seem so damn needy.

What can he do anyway?

Things are supposed to be looking up. It’s supposed to be getting better. Why isn’t it? Why do I feel stuck?


5 thoughts on “Feeling Lost

  1. Breathe in… Breathe out… Just take it as it comes JL, not everything needs to make sense straight away… And please don’t feel bad for emailing your Therapist…
    I can only imagine what you’re going through, though something tells me you will feel better soon… Just take this very moment in and try to sty calm in it…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ndumiso, you’re a life saver. You are always so positive and always sending me such positive vibes. I feel so much better just reading what you wrote. And yes, I feel a little less intensely depressed. Thank you so much.

      Liked by 1 person

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