A Stable Day of Positivity

So today, which is actually yesterday now that I’m looking at the time, has been one of the more stable days I’ve had this past week. It’s been quite a roller coaster for me – days when I was down, I was inconsolable while days I was high, I was almost too hyper to speak to.

Sometimes I wonder if this is what a person who has bipolar experiences. It’s completely uncontrollable and extremely exhausting, as can be expected.

I felt quite accomplished today – despite the setback with the minor panic attack that I was experiencing while my Color and Design instructor was giving her lecture and telling us her expectation of us for our next project due in two weeks. My class partner and I finished our study model in Architectural Presentation and I don’t think we did half bad for a model that we had not really learned to build before. I was actually quite proud of what I did with the fireplace and the stairs.

First time building a model!
First time building a model!

My speech went relatively well and I had received 98/100 for it which was a good thing since my grades dropped considerably for completing the test in 10 minutes last week (the test that I had spaced). And I’m excited to know that I’m only one speech away from finishing this class. Don’t get me wrong. I love talking – I just don’t care for speech class. I love my instructor but I’d rather hang out with him as peers than as student-instructor.

I’m still loving math despite the mistakes I keep making in my quizzes. I don’t want this class to end, to be honest. If anything else, I wish I could do more trig. I’m quite nervous for Calculus next semester as my class is going to be at 6.00pm after a LONG day in school and I barely remember anything about Calculus from high school.

My mood has been pretty positive this whole day (as long as we ignore the fact that I was pretty anxious) and I had bumped into an ex-classmate (I met him in Algebra last semester). He and I spent a considerable time chatting out in the cold but we were both super excited for each other. He’s doing a double major and a double minor and I marveled at his stamina. He told me that next semester he’ll be doing 21 credit hours. I’ll be doing 15 and I’m already freaking out. If I’m driven, he’s something else. We shared tales of how we lack people who could encourage us as being non-traditional students, it’s hard to make friends with our “peers” seeing as we are so much older. I then shared with him my idea of starting a club or sorts for people like him and I – and several other classmates I have this semester who are non-traditional. He thought it was a genius idea and was very interested in making the club into a formal one (my idea had been just to have casual hang out sessions but I’m not opposed to actually making a school sanctioned club too). I was really happy to hear his excitement and to hear his words of encouragement. I don’t have any plans yet but hopefully I’ll be able to figure something out – and at least just plan for a casual get together.

Speaking of clubs, I’m also highly interested in bringing Active Minds to campus as we don’t have any mental health activism groups on campus currently. I’d really like to bring the conversation of mental health to the students of my campus. The person in charge of running the recent mental health awareness campaign on campus mentioned that I should speak to her and the Asst Director of Outreach and Partnership of the Counseling and Psychological Services center about the initiative I have in mind. She told me that it’ll be a ton of red tape but if I’m passionate enough to start this movement, she would like to help me along. I don’t know how whether this will actually take off but it’s my plan. I told myself that if and when I get better, I will do this but at the same time, I also know that if I were just to wait around for my mind to recover, that really, I won’t want to do anything. The longer an idea sits in the mind with no action taken towards it, the quicker it dies or just goes to sleep. I don’t want this idea to die. I want to ignite it and spread it.

Anyway, those are just some positive things I wanted to share because I know my blog has just been filled with negatives lately. I’m beginning to get excited about things but I don’t know how much of it has to do with the fact that today just happened to be a stable day and I don’t know how how much of it has to do with actual recovery. But as always, we’ll see… Time will tell.

It’s also therapy day tomorrow so I’m looking forward to that as well.

I also have a “new” design for the next two weeks. It’s a semi colon but I’ve included the word “Hope” this time.

Oh also, I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned before but the bracelets I wear are actually advocacy bracelets – the teal/white one represents anxiety disorder, the orange one represents ADHD and the green one represents depression. It’s not only fashionable (IMHO) but also a reminder for me.
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