What do you do when all you are feeling is hopelessness?
How do you cope when you feel like you can’t talk to anyone – either because you don’t want them to worry or because you feel that no one understands or because you feel bad that all you talk about with people are negative things and you’re scared that they’re sick of you?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m feeling better than I have in weeks, but I still am stuck in this cycle of hopelessness and keep feeling like I’m on the verge of quitting everything. I am definitely thankful that I was able to talk to S again after our session but I still can’t cope with stressors.
He said to me, “Baby steps” as I left his office and I recognize that I am still not that far into therapy to be able to figure everything out. Yet, why do I keep blaming myself for when I can’t cope with things?
I don’t feel sad per se. I feel more lifeless than sad. Sad is easy to fix. Sadness is not my depression. Mine is the loss of the will to live and the loss of vitality. I don’t know how to stop my self-sabotage.
My coworker who struggles with depression himself saved me today. All he did was ask me how my birthday was and he was open to hearing my answer. Just one person can help pull you out of the pit of negativity sometimes. I really don’t think he knows how much he’s helped me.