Whenever the holiday season descends on us, I have a hard time. In fact, it’s not really just the holiday season but any time I have to spend an extended amount of time with family or relatives is a hard time for me.
The reason it’s hard is because not only is it already exhausting just dealing with people, it’s also exhausting to put on a mask and pretend to be someone I’m not. I often have to pretend like I don’t have depression, anxiety or ADHD. I often have to pretend like everything’s fine.
It’s exhausting because it’s hard to keep up with lies and it’s really hard to act okay when you’re not. And if I don’t keep up the pretenses, then everyone will be uncomfortable because who wants to talk about mental illnesses on a holiday?
People already get uncomfortable enough when I mention the very words “mental illness”. What more if we discussed it at length.
I have relatives and family members on my Facebook – they know full well how I’m struggling with my daily life. Yet, no one has ever reached out. I assume it’s because it makes them feel uncomfortable, not knowing what to say or maybe not knowing how not to be insulting when asking questions. The stigma of mental illnesses is very strong in my family…
I don’t know about you guys but I really feel like the holiday season just sucks. I feel like I have no freedom to be who I need to be and that I have to put on my best fake smile – the kind I put on when I go to work.
Anyway, that’s just my take on the holidays. Tomorrow, my in-laws will be coming over to celebrate Thanksgiving and I’ll have to once again, pretend to be a-okay.
Hitting Reset 
I honestly hate the holiday season. It’s like the movie 28 Days Later to me. I have to get ready to be annoyed and embarrassed for two months. I can’t wait for it to be over. Not a huge family person. Vegan, so no holiday food for me. Hate winter. No money, so no gifts are given to anyone. Colonialism and Christianity are not my thing. It really does suck. We really should just not.
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Yeah. I agree. I don’t hate winter per se, but I really don’t like how it screws up my skin so much… Otherwise, I hate the commercialization of it as well. Christmas is not Christian by any means. Jesus wasn’t born in December. It’s all made up because Jesus was born in June. Yet people eat it up so readily… I do like to be reminded to give thanks though just because I feel like I just don’t do it enough and having a season to remember all the things I’m grateful for is nice. I just don’t like that I have to see family members. Lol. Thankfully, the family that has caused me the most pain is still back in Malaysia, far away.
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