So it’s the New Year. It’s a new day; a new start to the next 364 days of life.
I think with that comes a sense of desperation and a great deal of pressure to do something amazing, exciting, new and great! – Because you know… It’s the NEW year!
How can you still be the same boring old person you were yesterday? Back when it was 2015?
So thanks to this kind of reasoning and thought process, I think it’s very common for people to feel defeated and demotivated even before their year has really begun. At least, it is in my case.
This morning, I woke up at 10.30am – I have a problem waking up in the morning. Upon waking up, thoughts flood into my head – the first being, “Oh my goodness, it’s 2016… What am I going to do today that’s different? How can I seize the day and be better than I was yesterday?”
Despite feeling wholly demotivated and depressed, I felt this desperate need to do something amazing and wonderful – after all, it’s the new year. It’s 4.30pm now as I type this and what have I done all day?
Well, I was initially productive as I spent the first 30 minutes of waking up cleaning my bathroom. Actually I lied, I spent the first 30 minutes of waking up scrolling mindlessly through Facebook. That was perhaps the biggest mistake I could’ve done this morning. Scrolling through Facebook always leaves me feeling empty, hollow and defeated. Well, after that, I cleaned my bathroom. But as soon as I was done with that, I felt this nagging sensation in the back of my head that told me that I wasn’t going to accomplish anything today.
It’s mostly right because after I had a quick lunch, I sat in front of the computer, determined to do something productive. Instead, I spent most of the time scrolling through an online store selling geeky gadgets that I don’t need but want for the next hour or two. Then I watched videos on Youtube and scrolled through Facebook some more. All through it all, I’m telling myself I need to be productive.
All I want to do now after I finish this post is play some video games on my computer.
Now I’m wondering if the reason why I’m feeling this way is because the current medication I’m taking for my ADHD is not very effective or if it’s just because I’m feeling really depressed – either way, I feel restless and unable to accomplish even a single productive task. I feel guilty that I haven’t been preparing for college – the new semester begins in 10 days. I feel guilty that I’ve wasted all these hours doing nothing in particular.
All because I am trying to conform to the societal pressure of “You need to do something amazing in the new year!”. A part of me wonders if I’m just being negative and lazy or what I’ve talked about in this post actually makes sense.