I don’t know about you guys but therapy days are hard for me. It’s hard for me to feel normal or okay after a therapy session – and it’s not because S is a horrible psychologist or anything like that. It’s more because of what we talk about during each session and the feelings I have to face and the things we deal with every week.
So with that in mind, I’m a little nervous about my coming semester because my therapy session had to be moved to a Wednesday due to semester scheduling changes for S (his schedule changes every semester). I’ll have class on Wednesday from 11.30am to pretty much 8.00pm and therapy will be at 10.00am.
Since I don’t drive to school and have to rely on Hubster to drop me off and since I live about an hour away from campus, it’s difficult for me to coordinate a time that’s outside of my existing school schedule either – especially since I’ll be starting work on campus (I got hired at the Math Assistance Center!) and will need to coordinate a minimum of 12 hours of work there too.
Simply put, I don’t have a choice on the day I should go in to see S except the one we decided on. I know, I know. I’m being a whiny baby about it and I should just suck it up. It’s not even a rational thing to be upset about – but isn’t that what depression is all about? Everything being super irrational?
Anyway, I think a lot of things are just bugging me lately – between being extremely tired all the time from the Strattera I’m taking (incidentally today I’m on my second day of it being in the target dose of 80mg a day) and all the new things I need to be prepared to do next semester (which starts in a few days), I’m stressed out. I have a feeling that I’ve bitten off more than I can chew and I’m afraid that I won’t be able to chew them all without choking.
Next semester, I’ll have Calculus – which I’m nervous about since everyone talks about how hard this class is , Computing 1 – which I’m nervous about since it’s a completely new subject that I’ve never even contemplated before until a month or so ago, History of Interiors and Furniture – which, let’s face it, is a history class, and Space Planning For Interior – which though taught by a Professor I get along really well with and like, will have huge project requirements on top of being trained as a Peer Educator, working as the Front Desk Receptionist for the Math Assistance Center (as I wait for a promotion to Tutor next semester), going to personal therapy as well as starting group therapy while working as a Server on the weekends I feel spent just typing all this down. I know I’m letting my anxiety get the better of me at this point but I’m so high-strung, it’s hard for me to unwind.
Thankfully, typing all this down and “verbalizing” what I’m feeling right now is helping me organize some of my thoughts a little and make things a little bit less daunting as I tell myself, “I can do this!” over and over. I know at least two other people who believe that I can – I now just need to convince myself that I can too.