Anxious Ramblings

I don’t know about you guys but therapy days are hard for me. It’s hard for me to feel normal or okay after a therapy session – and it’s not because S is a horrible psychologist or anything like that. It’s more because of what we talk about during each session and the feelings I have to face and the things we deal with every week.

So with that in mind, I’m a little nervous about my coming semester because my therapy session had to be moved to a Wednesday due to semester scheduling changes for S (his schedule changes every semester). I’ll have class on Wednesday from 11.30am to pretty much 8.00pm and therapy will be at 10.00am.

Since I don’t drive to school and have to rely on Hubster to drop me off and since I live about an hour away from campus, it’s difficult for me to coordinate a time that’s outside of my existing school schedule either – especially since I’ll be starting work on campus (I got hired at the Math Assistance Center!) and will need to coordinate a minimum of 12 hours of work there too.

Simply put, I don’t have a choice on the day I should go in to see S except the one we decided on. I know, I know. I’m being a whiny baby about it and I should just suck it up. It’s not even a rational thing to be upset about – but isn’t that what depression is all about? Everything being super irrational?

Anyway, I think a lot of things are just bugging me lately – between being extremely tired all the time from the Strattera I’m taking (incidentally today I’m on my second day of it being in the target dose of 80mg a day) and all the new things I need to be prepared to do next semester (which starts in a few days), I’m stressed out. I have a feeling that I’ve bitten off more than I can chew and I’m afraid that I won’t be able to chew them all without choking.

Next semester, I’ll have Calculus – which I’m nervous about since everyone talks about how hard this class is , Computing 1 – which I’m nervous about since it’s a completely new subject that I’ve never even contemplated before until a month or so ago, History of Interiors and Furniture – which, let’s face it, is a history class, and Space Planning For Interior – which though taught by a Professor I get along really well with and like, will have huge project requirements on top of being trained as a Peer Educator, working as the Front Desk Receptionist for the Math Assistance Center (as I wait for a promotion to Tutor next semester), going to personal therapy as well as starting group therapy while working as a Server on the weekends I feel spent just typing all this down. I know I’m letting my anxiety get the better of me at this point but I’m so high-strung, it’s hard for me to unwind.

Thankfully, typing all this down and “verbalizing” what I’m feeling right now is helping me organize some of my thoughts a little and make things a little bit less daunting as I tell myself, “I can do this!” over and over. I know at least two other people who believe that I can – I now just need to convince myself that I can too.

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2 thoughts on “Anxious Ramblings

  1. I’m with you on the therapy days. It can be tough. I’m nervous before the session, during the session, and after the session I can either go two ways: depressed over whatever was brought up or overly excited and then crushed over the fact that my excitement will only last about an hour or so lol.

    Good luck for your new classes. I have a tip about Calc: The actual calculus is the easy part. It’s the algebra that can get tricky hahaha. Which is ironic. It’s going to end up a lot easier than you think.

    Liked by 1 person

    • JL says:

      Thanks so much. I’m sure you know how nice it is to know that you’re not alone in how you feel. So I am relieved that I’m not alone in how I feel. And I’m like you too. I either get extremely psyched or extremely depressed.

      And thanks for the tip! I’ll definitely make sure I am careful with the algebra!

      Liked by 1 person

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