Out of Control ADHD

My ADHD is out of control today. I’m inattentive and impulsive. As a result, my Facebook feed is just peppered with tons and tons of posts and status updates from me almost every minute.

I just wrote another message a moment ago that reads:

“Note to my FB friends, you will be seeing lots of posts from me today because my inattention and impulsivity is out of control. I’m having a million thoughts a minute and I need to get some of them out. – Yeah. I forgot my meds”

I don’t know why I do disclaimers like that but I think part of it is because I care what others think of me and I know how annoying it is to get a Facebook update from someone every minute of the hour. That said, I’m not sorry that I’m being hyper. I’m not sorry that I have all these thoughts.

I actually use Facebook to manage my ADHD because it allows me to log my thoughts as they come. It’s too much of a hassle to do it on this blog and Twitter is just an annoying place that I’ve never really taken to. So Facebook is where I vent and where all my thoughts are parked. I especially like the “On This Day” function that Facebook has that shows me thoughts I’ve had on the same day years ago so I get to compare my mental state a few years before to the present.

Anyway… My anger and rage has been bubbling under the surface for the past week since my last therapy session and having all these uncontrollable thoughts popping up in my mind every minute is effectively suppressing the anger. It’s making me more curious, more excited about learning and more open to talking to people than I would be if I hadn’t had this sudden ADHD spike. Just this morning, I’ve been hearing this “voice” screaming in my “ears” and this urge to break things and smash things.

Right now, as my ADHD spike is happening, I’m feeling a lot calmer. No imagined broken furniture, no imagined head smashed against the wall, no imagined destruction and mayhem. That’s good. If it means having to deal with millions of thoughts, so be it. For now, it’s the lesser evil.

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2 thoughts on “Out of Control ADHD

  1. Just have to comment on this part: “no imagined head smashed against the wall.” I’ve had visions/images like that for many years, but seldom heard people talk about them. I used to often have images of my head being smashed through a window, and I still have involuntary images of a gun to my head. These are not memories or similar to any experience I have had in real life. But they are powerfully vivid. I consider whether or not I am having them, and how often, as a pretty good indicator of my current emotional state.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad I’m not the only one. It’s like you say, it’s not a memory or anything I’ve ever experienced. But I do get them a lot. And the gun to my head thing, yeah same. And they are quite vivid, like you said. I’m currently still reeling from the session I just had with S so I haven’t had any thoughts like that today but I’m pretty sure they’ll come back again. Ugh.

      Like

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