What Does It Mean to Let Go?

Since yesterday’s session with S, I had been thinking about what he said – specifically what he said about letting go; “You don’t need to feel the guilt and shame. You didn’t do anything wrong. You couldn’t have known.” and at one point, I think he even used the words, “Let go of these emotions”.

The first question that came to mind was, “How?” – I should’ve verbalized it and asked him because right now, I’m left wondering what it means to let go of something. How do you not feel something? Does it mean that I stop thinking about it?

I stopped thinking about the jerk who had used/abused me for 10 years but the realization that my trauma from that “relationship” has left me being triggered for all these years prove that not thinking something is not a guarantee that I have let go of something.

To me, the idea of letting go is very abstract and until someone can point out practical things I can do to “let go”, I will not understand this concept. I struggle with abstract concepts and so the times when S have told me to practice mindfulness without giving me clear practical examples, I have not been able to do as he has suggested.

At one point in our session yesterday, he did say to me, “I think the first step you need to take right now is to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for all the things that have happened and not blame yourself for all of them anymore…”. What he said left me sobbing uncontrollably. Somehow, the idea of forgiving myself is too monumental a task for me – something that I seemingly can’t and won’t do. Is that what it takes to let go of something that has been hurting me for years?

What does it mean to forgive myself? Is it to tell myself that yes stuff happened but that it’s ok? That it wasn’t my fault?

I don’t know. I’ll keep thinking about it but for now, I’m not quite clear what this all means.

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6 thoughts on “What Does It Mean to Let Go?

  1. I think it is more complicated than just “let it go.” (And I’m sure S. knows that.)

    I’ll write more later, because I have been thinking about this same question though. My inclination is starting to be the creation of some kind of ritual in which I will forgive myself or free myself from something. Because I have a lot of “stuff” and this process is hard, I know I won’t be able to do it once and be done with it. So I was thinking I might start with one specific event or experience and work on that. If you like this idea, maybe we could write about it more and develop it out–might not look the same for each of us, but we could get ideas from each other.

    Liked by 1 person

    • JL says:

      Yeah, I’m sure he does know. He did say to me, “I know this is very hard for you to hear right now. But the first step is to recognize that you need to forgive yourself”. I’m kinda guessing that since he said “the first step”, it means there are many more steps….

      I think your idea is definitely very interesting. Like you, I’m beginning to learn that I have a lot of stuff too – stuff that I didn’t even remember having. All of them needs to be dealt with.

      Like

    • JL says:

      Oh and I’m definitely interested. Let me get through this week and see what happens in the next session. If I remember, I want to bring this up to S and see what he considers “letting go” to mean.

      Like

  2. I don’t get how you let go either.

    I can imagine letting it go, but things will remain the same. My ex will still live a great life regardless of whether I let go of my sadness-over-breakup or not, so what’s the point? I want reality to change first. If reality won’t fit, I’ll just leave it.

    You can only do so much until you realize things don’t go your way. Thankfully suicide – the ultimate rebellion – is possible.

    Liked by 1 person

    • JL says:

      I don’t know if suicide is ever the answer but I know what you mean. I hope that you and I both can find some peace and not have to resort to suicide.

      Like

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