A Night Of Firsts

Tonight, for the first time ever in my life, I not only went to a nightclub/bar, but it was also a gay club. When I got off work at 2am, I joined my lesbian friends at the local gay club. I was curious as to what a gay club was like – and my two friends had been wanting to get me to a club with them for a while now as well. They were definitely keen on me exploring my sexuality.

Since my work place was on the same street as the gay club, and since they were giving me a ride home, I figured I could spend some time with them at the club. What was interesting was how rambunctious the club was and how it was just packed with sweaty bodies.

It was somewhat like the rave scene from The Matrix 2. Writhing bodies, grinding against each other – people of all ages and ethnicity and obviously, sexual orientation. My friend grabbed my hand and pulled me to the corner that they had made their spot at and there, they encouraged me to dance. I’m a bad dancer but I decided to give it a go anyway – I ditched my jacket and backpack on the corner and “danced”.

It wasn’t hard to let go of my self-consciousness though because not only were everyone else just enjoying themselves and moving around, most of them were also too drunk to care what other people looked like anyway. Pretty soon, I was able to loosen up and moved my shoulders and hips a little more.

The energy on the dance floor was infectious and it was easy to get into the dancing mood even if you don’t particularly dance. Not long into my dancing, people started grinding up against me. It was a foreign sensation to me, something I’ve never experienced before. It wasn’t unpleasant, far from it – it was just something that took me by surprise.

I had a pretty good time experiencing a new thing tonight – I’ve always been a fan of gaining new experiences so I definitely had an enjoyable 45 minutes at the club (they closed at 3am). I learned that I am very uptight and need to loosen up a little once in a while – just let go of my control-freak nature.

Speaking of new experiences, tonight was also the first time I’ve ever bumped into a psychologist from CAPS outside of CAPS. As I wasn’t expecting it, the whole thing left me flustered for a while. The most ironic thing was how she was seated at the table in my section. Initially, her two friend were standing by the rail (a bar-like counter area) that was part of my section. I got the two people a beer as they had requested and when I came back, I found that they had been joined by another couple. I asked the man if he’d like a drink and he named a beer, then I turned to the lady and she said that she was fine. I didn’t think much of the encounter even though I distinctly felt like the lady was trying to avoid eye contact and avoid speaking to me.

When I came back from the bar area with the drink for the man, I realized that the hostess had seated the party of 4 at my table. So without thinking much about it, I went up to them and said, “Oh wow, this really worked out that they sat you at my table!” as I set the drink down. Then I looked up at the lady that had been trying to avoid eye contact with me and thought to myself, “Hmm… This looks like JS, the leader of the group therapy that I just started today…”.

Before I continue, let me explain that I’m actually very bad at recognizing people outside of the context that I usually see them in. It’ll usually take me a few takes before I realize who the person is. That’s why I often seem like I’m rude because initially, I don’t actually know who you are if I see you outside of the context of our usual contact until my mind gets to process it.

JS is the first psychologist I’ve ever met at CAPS. She was the one who had administered my ADHD tests for me and had written the ADHD report. I’ve also seen her a couple of other times before for walk-in sessions. She had always been very nice to me and I had immediately taken to her when I first met her. So when I found out that she was going to be the leader of the group therapy that I had signed up for, I was pretty excited to get to work with her more. Today happened to be the first session for the “Understanding Self and Others” group therapy session too so I had seen JS just 3 hours prior to seeing her at the restaurant that I worked at.

Anyway, by the time I realized who she was, the moment to say, “Hi JS! So glad to see you here” had passed and so I started feeling awkward. I think she sensed my awkwardness because she started acting a little awkward too. I think both of us were just caught by surprise. I don’t actually mind seeing my psychologists outside of CAPS but since I hadn’t made the initial contact, JS wasn’t allowed to make any indications that she knew me. At that point, it had been a little late and I was too embarrassed to say anything in the middle because I knew that I should’ve realized who she was sooner if I had wanted to say hi.

Despite the little hiccup, I was actually very pleased to see her. Seeing her made my night a little better and it helped that her significant other was such a gentleman and a great tipper too. I had a good time taking care of her and her friends because her friends were very friendly to me as well and we were able to have some good brief conversations. I really liked seeing JS outside of CAPS because it is again, a reminder that psychologists and therapists are just as human as we are. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that – at least I do – and idealize them. I know I for one do put S on a pedestal. A fact that I had admitted to him more than once before.

I still look forward to the day that I bump into S outside of CAPS. Since I work in the restaurant industry, there is a high chance that I’ll eventually bump into him – it’s a matter of time.

So, this had been a day of firsts for me. It’s 5am now and I should probably rest up for my double shift tomorrow (er, today). I’ve had a great time going to the nightclub and serving JS and one can’t have too much excitement in one night!

 

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