This is a very important TED talk to watch. In it, Amy Morin instructs people on how to become mentally strong, in order to weather any emotional upheaval in life.
I know I for one need to do the things she shares. It’s not going to be easy.
The things she shares are very painful for me to hear. I know I needed to hear them and I’m still resistant to the idea of improvement and change. I’m so terrified of it even when I know how much I’ll benefit from it.
The intensity of my suicidality has increased again lately due to the extreme stress that I’ve been put under through life events that I can’t control and my job. I told S today that this weekend was the first time in 3 weeks (since I started on Zoloft) that the suicidal thoughts had been this intense. He’s concerned – as am I.
After watching this TED Talk, I knew that one of the things I could do is to change my mental habits but change is terrifying. I don’t want to do it and I hate myself for that, which ironically is one of the things that a mentally strong person wouldn’t do i.e. disparage themselves or put themselves down.
I think I am at the point where I just don’t want to go on which is why I don’t want to do any of the good habits that Amy suggests in this video. I am just too tired to keep fighting. I am tired of all the pain and suffering. I guess I’m throwing a pity party for myself, aren’t I?