After the good day I had yesterday, I woke up feeling a really painful ache in my heart – a result of the gaping, and bleeding wound that I have in it from the divorce. Despite all the connections I made yesterday with my friends, I woke up feeling lonely.
It wasn’t a good feeling – and it’s especially jarring since I had been more stable lately. So like I did yesterday, I tried to comfort myself by doing things that I knew were helpful.
I went skateboarding in the morning – I actually forced myself up at 8.30am. I had a good time there – I fell twice but found myself starting to learn how to roll out of a fall. I didn’t sustain any bruises this time so I seem to be doing much better at not falling so badly. It was stifling hot though so I called it quits after just an hour.
Then I went and had lunch with a coworker and her daughter. She introduced me to a restaurant that I think I’ll probably dine at a lot in the future. We had a good conversation together and I felt like I got to know her a little bit more. I also felt a little closer to her.
After lunch, I went to work, only to get sent home because my manager didn’t need so many server on tonight. So I asked N if he’d like to hang out again like we did yesterday. He said we could so I hung out with him again and we played more of the same video game we’ve been playing.
So you’d think that after all that, I’d be feeling good, right? I mean, I did the same exact things that I did yesterday. I skated, met someone for lunch, and then spent time with N. I should be feeling good. But why am I not? It perplexes me.