T-minus 1 day and 1 hour until school reopens. Eep!
I’m both nervous and excited at the same time – nervous because the semester I’ll be starting in the Fall is called the “Gauntlet Semester” where I have 2 classes that are known as the “weed-out” class – Computing 2 (where I’ll learn 3 programming languages at once!), and Discrete Computational Math (which is a more complicated math for Computer Science). On top of that, I’m retaking Calculus 1 (because I want to learn it right with a better Professor and I want to be good enough to be promoted to the the Calculus level tutor at the Math Assistance Center (MAC)) and an elective called Server-Side Web Programming which should be simpler than the other two classes. The final class I have to take is Introduction to Mentoring which is a compulsory class I have to take as part of my contract to work at the MAC. It is to train me to be a better tutor/mentor.
I am worried that my performance will drop due to the sharp dip in my mental health and emotional state following my divorce and myriad of other stressors. I am also worried that since I’d goofed off and worked my butt off at the restaurant all summer, that I won’t remember how to code and how to think like a computer scientist. I’m worried that I’ll start from Square One again. It’s hard for me not to worry and maintaining good grades is very difficult to do – although, now the pressure is a little less great because I know for a fact that I’ll never be able to get a 4.0 GPA in my final transcript due to my B in the last semester. I can only bump it up a little bit from the 3.8 that I have currently.
Anyway, I’m excited for some of the things that I’ll be doing such as being actively engaged mentally, being a Peer Educator officially (I was just training last semester), working at the MAC as a proper tutor, meeting new people and new friends (fingers crossed), making more connections, skateboarding around campus, seeing old friends, and going for a retreat with the Peer Educator group.
Tomorrow, the MAC Executive Director is holding a meeting for all the staff and I’m excited to attend because I love being and working at the MAC! I’m going to bust out my Pi shirt and wear that again. I hope they’ll let me retake my profile photo because the girl that’s featured on the website now with my name on it looks so different now. I want the spunky girl with the mohawk on the profile page instead.
Last night, my friend explained a lesbian lingo to me. It’s called “Stem” and when I asked her what that meant, she told me that it’s a mashup of the word “stud” (Masculine looking lesbian) and the word “femme” (Feminine looking lesbian). She said that she is a “stem”. I reflected on myself and wondered if I’d be considered a “stem” as well. When I suggested that, she said that she thinks that I’m more of a “stud” than a “stem”. When she said that, I felt pleased. I’m not sure what that means – that is, why I felt pleased by that. It was an automatic response from me – I didn’t think about it. I just started smiling and felt pleased. I don’t know if it’s because I identify as a more masculine looking woman, or whether it’s because I like how the word “stud” just sounds so positive. XD
Anyway, wish me luck in my new semester! I am looking forward to seeing how it’ll all go down since this semester, I’ll be doing everything by myself and learning to not only rely on myself but to also take care of myself as well.