Renewed Passion

After the amazing experience I had at the Office of Health and Wellness Peer Educators’ Retreat, I’ve added one more thing that I could potentially do as a future career. I’m looking at different ways I can combine Computer Science with my other passions and I think I’ve got some ideas what I want to potentially do in the future.
Here are some of the ideas that I’m thinking about:
 
1 – Work for my Director at the MAC to develop technologies to aid in education and to build educational resources for the masses (schools, colleges, community learning centers, etc).
 
2 – Pursue my PhD in Computer Science Education and open a Computer Science Assistance Center using a similar model that the MAC is currently using – it’s super effective!
 
And now, 3 – Work for the Office of Health and Wellness Promotion to develop technologies to aid the Peer Educators as well as the campus, to develop apps/websites/other forms of computer tech to disseminate health and wellness related topics and data to campus citizens, and help coordinate the infrastructure for such reasons.
 
I know all of them sound ambitious but it all really boils down to my passion of wanting to make meaningful connections, to educate others in topics that are important to me, as well as further my passion for mental health advocacy.
Now, I’m not sure exactly how to do these things yet but at least I have an idea what I want to do. I want to make a difference in people’s lives in the educational aspect because the most meaningful time of my life has been when I was a college lecturer.
It’s also made me realize that I have made an impact on others – even if it was just for a day. And that to me is more priceless than money. It’s so important to me to know and to feel like I’ve contributed to society – even if it’s just the campus I’m in.
I know it’s going to be a tough journey because Computer Science is kicking me in the butt hard, but I also know that I’m going to work my hardest to make this a reality. This means that I’m going to have to work even harder than I have to help myself through my recovery. I’m still dependent on S, and hopefully someday that’ll change because I’ll have learned to rely on my own strengths, to practice self-care daily, to self-affirm, to self-love, and to keep growing.
After 8 painful months of suicidal thoughts, self-harm, severe depression, anxiety, and emotional turmoil, I hope that I can cope better and really commit to my recovery.
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3 thoughts on “Renewed Passion

  1. I think all of those sound amazing – and I have faith that you can get there. I think what happens is sometimes we can put such a strong timeline on things and I encourage you to think of any movement towards these goals as movement forward.

    You have such a beautiful soul geared to helping others.

    In terms of being dependent on S, that’s okay. I find that I am super dependent on A right now, and sometimes I’m not super dependent on A. It’s a cyclical thing, not a straight, progressive line as my analytical mind wills it to be. I have to be okay with the cycle – some days I need her more, some times I’m more committed. Life is messy, isn’t it? I’m glad you feel so refreshed from your retreat.

    Liked by 1 person

    • JL says:

      You’re right, PD. I am trying to enjoy my time in college and learn as much as I can. I am going to try and tell my anxiety to let me do that. I’ve dropped one class, so I hope that give me more time to be less anxious and to do more work… I know that somehow, I’ll be able to work towards all the goals that I’ve set. Anything I do that allows me to help others achieve educational success is very meaningful for me…

      And aww, thank you so much for your kind words! It’s so much easier for me to believe that nowadays.

      You’re right. It is a cycle. What a good point! I guess when I’m feeling dependent, it’s hard not to feel bad/guilty about it… I’ve grown up in a family that doesn’t encourage dependence.

      And yes! I’m definitely psyched after the retreat. It was WAY TOO SHORT!! But… I’ll make do with what I have. I am definitely grateful!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I grew up in a family where if you weren’t being independent you were wrong, period. So I get that. Combine my love of numbers and linear things and the idea of a cycle is insane to me… so we will work on it together! You can remind me it’s cyclical when I need to hear it too 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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