Love Bug

I’m struggling with the fact that someone I met on a dating site has expressed that they think that I’m attractive and that despite the fact that we have a connection that in my opinion is genuine, I don’t hear from them often enough. 

We’ve never talked on the phone or Skyped or anything like that. We’ve only been texting all this time. 

I’ve known them for 5 weeks now. But usually, I’m the one sending all the messages and I hardly ever get replies. 

I’m trying not to be the anxious, paranoid, stalker-y person that I can be but I do know that they’re still on the same dating site we met on and that. Sometimes, it makes me wonder if their feelings for me are real because in my perspective, someone who cares enough about me will make the time to talk or message even if they’re extremely busy. So, in my perspective, the fact that they still get on the dating site and with the time they used to do that, they could’ve texted me but didn’t, really makes me feel unsettled. 

Also, I don’t know to what extent I’m just obsessing because of my anxiety and to what extent are my uncertainty and insecurities founded. 

The worst part is how much I care about them and how much I want something in my life to just go right. I’m sick and tired of every single waking moment because of all the pain I’m in. I just want something good. 

This person makes me happy in ways that I never thought I could be – whenever I do hear from them of course but they manage to put a smile on my face every time I get their message. 

So, on top of my overwhelming schedule, new job, inability to catch up in class, lack of time to do homework and assignments, inability to focus, pain from the divorce, workload on campus as well as outside, and inability to digest the things I’ve learned, I now have the distraction of liking a person and getting the typical butterflies in the stomach type reactions whenever I hear from them. 

And it’s just so distracting. At the same time, while hopeful and really praying for a better time for myself, I’m also a little cynical or maybe just hyper cautious. I’m trying not to invest so much. I think I’m justified to feel that way, right? 

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