I’ve been having some major financial difficulties following the divorce (because I have a lot of credit card debt plus having to pay for a car as well as for rent), and as a result, I am technically working 3 jobs. That leads to my inability to focus in school because I’m staying up late to finish homework and assignments while not having enough time to absorb and process what I’ve been learning.
This leads to a lot of anxiety because I don’t know what my next paycheck will look like or how I’m going to manage everything. I feel like someone who is out of time. I feel like a candle burning from both ends, trying to juggle everything.
I had been contemplating filing for bankruptcy to get out of all the debt but at the same time, I know that the consequences are pretty dire following a bankruptcy. I was suicidal yesterday because I was overwhelmed by these things and these concerns.
So as you can see, my life is a series of domino effects. Stuff I can’t control but try to and then end up freaking out over everything.
Anyway… This morning, I went and spoke with the Health Promotion Coordinator of the Office of Health and Wellness, who is one of the people who helps run the Peer Educator program that I’m a part of. I was told by one of the Peer Educators that she has a background in financial related topics.
In our meeting, she revealed to me that she has an MBA and that she has experience in financial wellness. So I went to the right person. For the next hour and a half, she told me all the things I need to know to maintain a healthy financial state. She also taught me how to create a budget. After the hour and a half, I felt calmer. I felt more organized because she had helped me put all the fragments of “To-Do”, ideas, and thoughts into a more cohesive whole. Though I’m still in debt, and still going to struggle, suddenly, I feel a little better about my chances of making it through this semester without killing myself. All because someone took the time to help me organize my thoughts.
After that meeting, I headed to the room that had been built for student organizations to have their space in. I was supposed to be at the Peer Educator’s office – to maintain office hours in case any student wished to visit for information on the 8 dimensions of wellness.
When I got to the Cube, the name of the space that the student organizations are based at, I was ecstatic to see the space that the Peer Educators had been given. We had the corner of the Cube which meant that we had plenty of sunlight streaming in to the space.
I told myself as I sat in the office that today is going to be a good day – why? Because I’ll make it so. It turned out to be exhausting but productive, and positive. I was able to finish my Discrete Computational Structures assignment, and while I was at it, I got to tutor someone in Calculus for Business Majors which is actually not a subject that I’d ever taken but since I’d done Calculus, I was able to tutor her. (The only problem I encountered was the fact that she is very attractive and it’s so hard to focus when all I could think about was how cute she is…) I also got to spend time with a couple of my coworkers who were also students at the same University I’m attending. It felt good, especially since one of the coworkers is someone I really relate to and see eye-to-eye with.
Overall, I had a pretty decent day. I was on campus until 11.30pm though because I’d lost track of time while working on my Discrete assignment. I think if I could have more of this kind of days, I’ll be able to pull through this ridiculous hump.
Tomorrow, I’ll see S. I wonder what our session will be like…