This morning, I woke up with a sense of dread. I was dreading my decision to “come out”.
It’s National Coming Out Day today and I had made the decision to come out. And at 7.55am, I sat down with my Chromebook, took a deep breath and started typing. I had only 5 minutes because I had to leave for school at 8am.
Here was what I wrote (these are screenshots from my Facebook):
I’ve gotten 27 likes and 11 love reactions from my Facebook.. I’ve also gotten 12 incredibly positive comments.
One of them that really stuck out to me and validated me was this message from someone I had never met in person before:
“The sun and the moon is still in the right orbit, and that’s when you know coming out is as normal as it can get. You will always be you.”
I’ve not heard from any family members yet so I don’t know how that will go. I wish I had the courage to actually verbalize this through a phone so that I can call my parents and tell them “in person” but I can’t. I already have social anxiety over phone calls so this would’ve been even more nerve wracking.
I have to say though, I’m glad I did it because I can now stop pretending. I can stop wishing that I was “normal” or fit in. I have also found through this experience who has my back!
I’m probably going to have more emotional responses tomorrow after I speak to S (because somehow talking to S always makes me more connected to my feelings and more ready to be vulnerable whereas when I’m on my own, I can’t feel things fully) so I’ll definitely update.
At the moment, I feel calm and like I can finally allow myself to be myself. It’s a pretty good feeling!