National Coming Out Day 

This morning, I woke up with a sense of dread. I was dreading my decision to “come out”. 

It’s National Coming Out Day today and I had made the decision to come out. And at 7.55am, I sat down with my Chromebook, took a deep breath and started typing. I had only 5 minutes because I had to leave for school at 8am. 

Here was what I wrote (these are screenshots from my Facebook):

I’ve gotten 27 likes and 11 love reactions from my Facebook.. I’ve also gotten 12 incredibly positive comments. 

One of them that really stuck out to me and validated me was this message from someone I had never met in person before: 

“The sun and the moon is still in the right orbit, and that’s when you know coming out is as normal as it can get. You will always be you.”
I’ve not heard from any family members yet so I don’t know how that will go. I wish I had the courage to actually verbalize this through a phone so that I can call my parents and tell them “in person” but I can’t. I already have social anxiety over phone calls so this would’ve been even more nerve wracking. 

I have to say though, I’m glad I did it because I can now stop pretending. I can stop wishing that I was “normal” or fit in. I have also found through this experience who has my back! 

I’m probably going to have more emotional responses tomorrow after I speak to S (because somehow talking to S always makes me more connected to my feelings and more ready to be vulnerable whereas when I’m on my own, I can’t feel things fully) so I’ll definitely update. 

At the moment, I feel calm and like I can finally allow myself to be myself. It’s a pretty good feeling! 

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13 thoughts on “National Coming Out Day 

  1. What a big day for you! I think it’s beautiful, what you’ve written, and I’m glad you feel like yourself. I am honestly so happy for you and I firmly believe that as long as we are not hurting others we have every right to be who we are – you are supported and loved here 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, PD!! 😀 I think that it’s important to be authentic and for so long, I’ve not been that way. It’s been so hard to live in the pretenses. Lying to myself was probably harder than lying to others though so I’m glad I did it. It still gives me butterflies in my stomach though, to think that I’m no longer living in secret.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Just so you know, you don’t have to be attracted 50/50 to be bisexual. You can also be attracted sequentially or concurrently.

    I’m very happy to “meet” you online, as a fellow bisexual more attracted to women, and as a Singaporean Chinese happy to find you’re from Malaysia! I think not many from the understands how queerphobic our nations are, and also how conflicted some of us who’ve migrated or are planning on migrating can feel.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi skinnyhobbit! I don’t think I have ever met too many skinny hobbitses…. Hahahaha…

      Ahh… I never knew that. See, I’m so new to the community that all these terms are so foreign to me that I misunderstand. However, that said, I have been telling people since the coming out post that I’m bisexual and queer. I feel like queer really does encompass more than just the sexuality aspect so I’m comfortable with that. I won’t be mad if someone just refers to me as bi though.

      Yay! I’m happy to find out that you’re from Singapore. Are you currently in Singapore or in the USA? I love Singapore, I wanted to move there a while ago… My brother lives there now.

      And yeah, the homophobia in that region is just nuts… I mean, that’s why I’ve always wished I was “normal”. To be anything other than straight is a curse!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m pretty closeted, and don’t worry about terms really! For a year or so, I thought bisexual had to be 50/50 and felt I was a freak!

        Tbh, I like queer as well, as people can have different definitions of bisexual, pansexual etc, and I’m also trying to figure out gender identity. I also like the concept of reclaiming queer since it used to be a slur.

        I’m still living in Singapore, though I plan to migrate away eventually.

        Hell yeah, I definitely have wished I was straight, because the homophobia in the region is awful!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ahh I see… Yeah, I still am new to this and the community… The pronoun thing can be difficult to remember.

        Yeah, queer encompasses a lot of things. My psychologist asked me what it meant for me so that was nice that he had asked. Yeah, and queer also just means outside the norm and I definitely know that I’m not ordinary….

        Ahh ok. Where do you want to migrate to?

        Like

      3. I’m glad your psychologist asked what it meant for you. 🙂 I like your definition of queer and it definitely takes lots of courage to be different in such a conservative and conformist region. You do you and I really admire your courage! I plan to move to Norway. Long distance partner 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Yeah! I was taken aback but I’m glad too. And definitely hard to be different… It’s just a little easier here in the US but I live in the Midwest which is still VERY conservative so I deal with a lot of looks too… Wow, Norway!! Awesome! I wish I could go to Switzerland!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Awh, stinks that the Midwest is conservative! I hope you meet accepting people, especially other queer Christians. My psychologist is straight and Christian and accepting like your S. I’m glad he’s such a wonderful psychologist. While I’m not Christian, I relate a lot to your posts, including childhood trauma, deep (and scary) transference feelings for one’s psychologist etc. Who knows, maybe you will one day get to visit or stay some time in Switzerland!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah… The Midwest definitely sucks in that regard…. I’ve recently met a trans Christian. We’re meeting tomorrow for the second time to discuss our faith…

      I’m so glad that you have an awesome psychologist too. Yeah, S is amazing. I owe him a lot!

      I’m also very glad that you can relate. I try not to be too religious but being a Christian is important to me so sometimes I may talk about it.

      Yeah. I don’t know where my life is headed. Hopefully, I’ll be able to go places…

      Liked by 1 person

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