Abused

I’ve been abused.

It happened to me as a child.

I’ve talked about it before here on Hitting Reset. I’m not afraid to talk about it anymore. I’ve processed the repeated trauma I sustained as a child with S back in June of 2016. I wrote about that experience in two places: Processing a Childhood Trauma – Thoughts From Therapy #61 AND Thoughts From Therapy – #66 – Childhood Trauma

Speaking about my experience had been frightening at the time, but it also empowered me to be brave. It taught me resilience, and it taught me self-love. I still have a lot to learn, but processing my trauma with S had been so helpful in making me a lot more confident in myself.

When I got older, I was convinced that I’m a wiser person than I was and thus, more capable of protecting myself. I mean, I didn’t have a reason to disbelieve that, or to think otherwise.

So it came as a shock to me then, in September of last year, that I found out that I had been abused again at an older age. And again, it was a repeated abuse. Regardless of someone’s age, I realize that they can still get themselves into abusive situations.

I didn’t realize that I was in one until years later. It is a story I deeply wish to share in hopes of helping others, but it is also a story that I’m still hesitant to share because of some privacy issues, as well as safety issues. I hope that I can build up the courage to get to that point, and still be able to publish the story publicly (as opposed to making this blog a private, invite-only blog because then it’d defeat the purpose of my writing – since my goal is to help others, if people can’t see my story, how is that helpful?) without any personal repercussions.

For now, I just had to get this off my chest – today was the Peer Educators’ Spring Retreat and I had just come back from yet another day of knowledge on health and wellness topics (sexual assault prevention, sexual health, ATOD (Alcohol, Tobacco, and Other Drugs) and mental health were covered today), and subsequent thoughts about the things that we had discussed. The fact that I have a valid and justified story to tell came about from one of those thoughts but at the same time, also came concerns and anxiety over the story.

I’m just fearful of the possibility that my post be read by the people that I want no further association with. >_>

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Abused

  1. I think you can have a public blog like you have now, and password protect a private post. I’ve seen it done but don’t know how.

    Also, your sharing is a radical gift!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I agree with skinnyhobbit that your sharing is such a gift. It truly is. Also – I read the two posts you linked to and wanted to say that I have so much compassion for you and all you’ve been through. I think you’re so strong and should be proud of all the hard work you’ve done. Xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aww, thank you so much, PD! It means so much to me to hear that! It’s so validating to read what you’ve written about my posts, and so validating to know that you read them because I know how long those posts were. I think it’s still hard to come to terms with the fact that I should be proud of myself but I’m definitely doing much better at acknowledging that. xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s