I’ve been abused.
It happened to me as a child.
I’ve talked about it before here on Hitting Reset. I’m not afraid to talk about it anymore. I’ve processed the repeated trauma I sustained as a child with S back in June of 2016. I wrote about that experience in two places: Processing a Childhood Trauma – Thoughts From Therapy #61 AND Thoughts From Therapy – #66 – Childhood Trauma
Speaking about my experience had been frightening at the time, but it also empowered me to be brave. It taught me resilience, and it taught me self-love. I still have a lot to learn, but processing my trauma with S had been so helpful in making me a lot more confident in myself.
When I got older, I was convinced that I’m a wiser person than I was and thus, more capable of protecting myself. I mean, I didn’t have a reason to disbelieve that, or to think otherwise.
So it came as a shock to me then, in September of last year, that I found out that I had been abused again at an older age. And again, it was a repeated abuse. Regardless of someone’s age, I realize that they can still get themselves into abusive situations.
I didn’t realize that I was in one until years later. It is a story I deeply wish to share in hopes of helping others, but it is also a story that I’m still hesitant to share because of some privacy issues, as well as safety issues. I hope that I can build up the courage to get to that point, and still be able to publish the story publicly (as opposed to making this blog a private, invite-only blog because then it’d defeat the purpose of my writing – since my goal is to help others, if people can’t see my story, how is that helpful?) without any personal repercussions.
For now, I just had to get this off my chest – today was the Peer Educators’ Spring Retreat and I had just come back from yet another day of knowledge on health and wellness topics (sexual assault prevention, sexual health, ATOD (Alcohol, Tobacco, and Other Drugs) and mental health were covered today), and subsequent thoughts about the things that we had discussed. The fact that I have a valid and justified story to tell came about from one of those thoughts but at the same time, also came concerns and anxiety over the story.
I’m just fearful of the possibility that my post be read by the people that I want no further association with. >_>