Exhaustion

I was supposed to come home and study/finish my homework or assignments. Guess what I did instead? I browsed through Amazon for things that I shouldn’t be buying and wasted all the precious time on that. It’s like I have an unconscious desire to fail in school. It also seems like with the self-harm, I […]

Another Walk-In Session

Hey guys, remember this incident: Walk-In Therapy Session That Bombed? It was the first time ever after a year of sessions at CAPS that I had ever had a somewhat negative experience with a therapist. Now, this is not a reflection of the therapist’s skill or personality but rather my incompatibility with her and how […]

Thoughts From Therapy #78 – Craving Attention

I have found from today’s session with S that when I’m sleep drunk, I’m actually very effective and productive in therapy because it lets the child take over and talk more freely than when I’m fully awake. I had woken up this morning in the middle of REM sleep which caused me to experience a […]

Pretension and Denial

I think I’m kidding myself and I’m pretending when I’m in front of everyone else. I don’t think I’m as well as I want to feel and just because I’m not thinking of something, doesn’t mean it’s not in my mind. I’m trying to be patient and when in times of loneliness, I’ve sought out […]

Emergency Session With S

I practically made S run out of his office to meet me today. I feel embarrassed to say that I not only had a walk-in session today before my group therapy session, but that I also had group therapy, AND I also requested to see S.

Last Night Before Huge ChangesĀ 

Tonight is the last night I’ll ever spend in this apartment. From tomorrow onwards, my life will be a complete 180.  I have yet to figure out how to live the rest of my miserable life though I have come up with several ways I can shorten it. The only thing it’ll take it is […]

Deep Anguish

I just cut myself. The emotional anguish I feel is so great that nothing I did or thought about helped. I was near tears at every moment and indeed cried multiple times today. The Ex treated me to frozen yogurt and that calmed the child down for a little while but the rage, hopelessness, and […]