Thoughts from Therapy #39

Today during therapy, I used the word “shame” out loud. I’ve internalized that word for so long and have always felt terribly embarrassed to even utter the word “shame” because it makes me feel sick, bad, and disgusted all at once. The effect that the word “shame” has on me is similar to the effect […]

Lowest Point

Well tonight I hit my lowest point. I don’t remember a time worse than this or a time where I had actually contemplated writing a note. Perhaps it’s time for me to answer my BHM (Behavioral Health Measure) questionnaire with a “Moderate” risk under the “How high is your risk of suicide?” section. I’ve always […]

Late Night Desperation

Well, I’m still struggling today. I think it has largely been because of the poor choices I’ve made today and now ruminating on those poor choices is making me feel more depressed. I had a grande size Starbucks green tea latte this afternoon – against my better judgment. Not only have I been getting used […]

Fall 2015 Grades

Not bragging but I received another 4.0 this semester and I’m extremely grateful, especially since as you all know, I’ve been struggling pretty badly emotionally and psychologically this semester. I don’t know why exactly but this semester had been a mostly downhill rollercoaster ride and I had been more depressed than I’ve ever been in […]

When You Expect Things

I don’t expect my friends or family to understand how it feels like to wake up in the morning and feel hopeless about life. I don’t expect them to understand how hard it is to live in my own skin and be happy with my own life choices. I don’t expect them to understand how […]