As promised, here is part 2.
It was a hard session today – as last week’s was as well. S’ explanation for how bad I’ve been feeling is that we’ve discussed some very heavy stuff last week. We’ve been stirring the pot, so to speak, and my unconscious is starting to rise up and mingle with my conscious which is adding to my despair and pain. He assured me today that I am making a lot of progress, even if I can’t believe it or know it right now.
I gave him a half smile. It’s been hard to do that lately – just to smile. And that was the first smile that I had today. Yes, it’s hard to believe that. It’s hard to believe that I’m making progress in recovery – especially not when I feel suicidal almost daily and thoughts race through my head constantly. But I trust him. So I trust that he’s telling the truth and not just telling me things I want to hear and enabling me.